I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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