i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
