bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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