Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
