Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
