i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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