Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
