I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
