Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
