Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
