you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
