i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
