Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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