i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
