I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
