Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
