my sisters under your porch take her home
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
