id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
