I want to make a zoo with you.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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