...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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