idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
