There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
