I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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