The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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