Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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