My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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