dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
