I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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