they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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