I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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