it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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