You're my little dorito
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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