just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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