i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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