What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ketchup is God's man juice
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
