RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
