Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
