omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
