wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
