Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
