too bad you live with your parents still
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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