my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
