dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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