you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
