we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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