wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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