My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
