i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
