i just had sex bonerless
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
