Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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